Teen Talk with Collins Hekson
From the moment we’re born, and often even before then, there are certain expectations placed upon us without our say in the matter. Maybe it’s just the natural instinct of parents to expect greatness or to live dreams vicariously through their children – but whatever it is, in some cases the pressure they put on is too much to bear.
This is often the case when it comes to school, where we are always expected to excel at every subject, despite our interest (or lack of it). It should be no surprise that students usually perform better at subjects they love and are interested in learning – but this isn’t reflected in our school system, or many parents’ attitudes.
Some pressure can be a good thing if we need an extra push to succeed, but most of us teens can’t bare it when we’re pressured to excel in areas we just don’t have the aptitude for, which puts us at risk of developing anxiety or even depression.
It’s a situation made worse by over-aspirational parents who seem to expect an immediate improvement in their offspring by throwing money around – like, send them to an expensive school and then BAM! Success!
Of course it doesn’t work that way, but such parents who get their children into the best schools and social circles are often shocked by how their young ones struggle to keep up with the perfect image they have constructed for them.
The question has to be asked: are they doing it for the kids, or for themselves? Maybe it’s so they have something to brag about to their friends? Parents have always boasted about their children’s exploits and compared them to others, as if the kids are an extension of their parents’ egos.
To me, I think the problem begins when parents identify too much with their child’s accomplishments. They might feel embarrassed when their son or daughter does not measure up to an unrealistic goal that’s been set for them. When the child can’t meet these expectations, it creates unnecessary stress and often leads to a bad self-image. But even if the child does succeed, the parents may take the glory as if they did all the work.
Pressure on children in sport and other activities can be just as harmful. It’s a common sight in the USA to see parents screaming and gesturing from the sidelines, thinking they are encouraging when in fact they are making their child actively dislike a sport they may have genuinely loved.
The line between encouragement and pressure can be a fine one, crossed over when the pressure passes from being beneficial to the child to becoming the obsession of the parent.
Everyone needs a little pressure to do their best. But being pushed too hard to achieve continuously above their capabilities is crossing the line. Parents need to realise this.
Collins Hekson is a Dublin-based student on work experience with Metro Éireann
