Will I ever get over French culture? That’s what I?asked myself as my followed my host out of the airport in Paris, bag in hand. The warm hug and peck on both cheeks I got a few minutes before that is a tradition the French would practise even with their eyes closed. It’s the norm I have observed over many years of my visits to France. But it’s still exciting to me, even though I’m very aware of the flaws.
The French are often idolised for their culture, and their language as the ‘language of love’. That warm embrace you get warms up your heart, instantly removing language and other barriers. Paris itself is a hypnotic city of romance with love in the air. But as soon as you walk the streets and ask for assistance from anyone who just hugged and kissed another, the snarl you often get is quite an upset. That attitude is what I call the French tradition of contradiction.
It seems to be most people are rude in their attitude to anyone who can’t speak French or pronounce French words correctly. Of course some French are quite charming, but mostly with their own families and friends. A vast majority don’t hide their feelings about their dislike for strangers. Someone asked me after one of my trips to France some years ago: “If you don’t speak French, then what are you doing in France?” At the time, I had no choice, as my mother and sister were living there.
In the 1970s when I was in secondary school, the popular notion that the French are “the most romantic in the world” struck me and my friends so hard that we vowed to marry French men when we grew up. We longed and prayed for it even though we had never visited France before. There weren’t many French men in Nigeria to go round the longing spinsters! We were mesmerised, feeling there was something irresistible about a French man calling your name in the most beautiful romantic accent. We wanted to experience French romance, often tied to champagne, that romantic drink that makes any day a celebration.
At the same time, that so-called myth about the French being rude was always prevalent. Even people who have never set foot in France would warn potential visitors about the “rude French”, but it was all based on a misunderstanding of the French personality, the way they don’t smile like those from other cultures would when they meet new people.
Or was it? Even now when I visit France, I marvel at the attitude of the typical French person towards strangers and non-speakers of the local language, or the shop owners or cashiers who ignore you when you ask how they’re doing because they believe you’re being too intrusive. I marvel at the way their diplomatic missions treat people in an unfriendly manner, just to issue them visas to last a couple of days. I marvel at the way visitors to France feel lost at bus stops and train stations because every response they get is “Je ne parle pas Anglaise” (I don’t speak English).
The French are known around the world for their famous passionate greetings. But beyond that, what do you get? I have no doubt the French are romantic, but they have different rules of behaviour for people within and outside their social circle. But I have to ask, does passion or friendliness require being measured or calculated?
