DIANE SABENACIO NITITHAM on those awkward exchanges that underline the racialisation of society.
Summer is coming to a close. The traffic is heavier, students are back to school and the sun sets earlier than ever. But what will remain constant through the change of seasons are my memories of summer, whether they are fond or uncomfortable.
I am fortunate to have been able to do a lot this summer, including travelling to Chicago and San Francisco as well as throughout Ireland. I told myself at the start that I would make the most of the summer, enjoying my time in the sunshine – or rain, as it has been – and soaking in (literally) the days as they went by. Throughout the three months, I met a lot of people and had many stimulating conversations – one of the recurring topics being the issue of race and culture.
Many of these conversations were light-hearted and varied from the rate at which my skin tans to my support of Barack Obama, and discussing the ways in which my childhood Filipino and Chinese friends and I have learned to cook our parents’ dishes. These chats were almost like an encouragement to my soul. While conducting research on Filipinos in Ireland, discussing race and racism with heartache, and also experiencing forms of discrimination myself, I have often felt a heavy weight on my chest. But these conversations have given me new energy when I do have to encounter strange and/or awkward exchanges.
One such exchange occurred while my parents and brother were visiting in August. I was very happy to have them over here and to show them the country in which I have spent the last three years. I wanted them to see the life I have here, and so I showed them around my college, University College Dublin, introduced them to some of my close friends and took them to the local pub.
It was while we are at the pub that we were approached by an Irish woman who seemed somewhat intoxicated. She was walking past us when she did a quick turn around, placed her hands on the table, smiled and said emphatically: “Beijing.” I quickly replied: “United States.”
I had difficulty convincing her that my brother and I were born in the US, and that my parents were from China, as after what seemed like several minutes of banter, she said that we were “a beautiful race” and that we should not let communism hold us down. She expressed disappointment over “the Olympic fakers”, but continued to assure us that we were “a lovely people”.
She asked if we were working over here, to which I responded that I am studying here and that my family were visiting me. The woman then said to my dad, after a pause, that he looked like Mao. I wanted to say that he looked nothing like the former Chinese leader, but I was not sure exactly how to say it politely, so I just smiled. After a few more awkward minutes, she wished us a good night and left our table.
One of the things that I love about Irish culture is that many people here are quite friendly and willing to chat. In my experience, I have found it quite easy to engage in conversation with strangers while waiting for a bus, for instance, or a drink at the bar. I feel that this is something particular to Ireland, and so I believe the woman at our local pub was merely welcoming us with conversation.
Whatever her intentions, I do not feel she had wanted to make us feel uncomfortable, especially along racial lines. However, had we not been Asian, nor had the Olympics just started, I do not think she would have easily offered a guess as to our origin.
Not every racialised moment will be hurtful, but they certainly do call into question the politics of belonging and place. A case in point is when, a few days before my family’s arrival, my brother rang me to ask what sort of clothes he should wear so that he would not stick out like a tourist. I responded that he was going to be seen as a foreigner no matter what clothes he might choose, for his Asian exterior will precede him. He reminded me of this shortly after the woman left our table.
My own experience as a racialised person is something I feel will never leave me, aware as I am that it is a product of social and cultural practices. There will always be uncomfortable moments, but fortunately, most of my experiences have been positive. Whether good or bad, all of these moments are meaningful.
What I wish to take away from our exchange at the pub, and the rest of my summer, is that life will reveal innumerable circumstances that will present fun, excitement, challenges and heartache. Many of these circumstances will be intertwined, so I must continue on my path of working towards breaking down racial barriers. Especially as the dark days of winter come near, I will hold these moments close to me, learning more ways to approach them with clarity and confidence.
