Optimal Edge with Eugene Nwosu We often become preoccupied with our own interest and daily cares, and it’s easy to lose track of friends.
There will always be times when we must choose between what we wish to do and what we must do. When we are faced with such decisions, we must make sure to always remember those true and loyal friends who were there when we needed them, and never, under any circumstances, abandon them.
English essayist Joseph Addison (1672-1719) once wrote that “friendship improves happiness and abates misery by doubling our joy and dividing our grief”. Regardless of how heavy our own burden may be, when we fail our friends, we also fail ourselves.
If we must let someone down, let it not be the friend who helped us up when we were down. When we let down a friend who helped us when we needed it most, we will not only adversely affect the friendship, we will seriously damage our own self-respect.
Friendship must be nurtured, for if we take our friends for granted, neither giving nor expecting much in return, we will attract friends who demonstrate the same qualities.
Friendship must be grown to order – not taken for granted. If you are the kind of friend who freely gives of your time and always shows consideration for others, your friends will be generous and kind.
American journalist Walter Winchell (1879-1972) said that “a real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out”. When we become so consumed with our own interests that we forget about our friends, we are well on our way to becoming friendless.
In friendship, like attracts like. It is essential to occasionally assess your behaviour to determine what kind of friend you are. Our friends will be what we make of them. Are you the kind of person you would like to have as a friend? Do you take the time to stay in touch, to remember friends’ special occasions? If you want a friend, be a friend – that’s how the saying goes. Friendship means giving without expecting anything in return.
Successful people are busy nurturing and nourishing the enormous friendships they possess, and are not searching for new friends. Therefore, if you call on them only when you need something, you will soon find out that they do not have room for you. If you want to be their friend, you must make the effort to befriend them. Let them know that you are interested in them as people, not in what they can do for you, and you may find that you have made a true and loyal friend.
Most of us have many acquaintances and associates, but we are indeed fortunate if we have a handful of real friends. You will very quickly identify yours when you ask them for help. The wise individual is the one who, when asked for assistance, recognises that he may one day find himself in the same situation.
One of the often-unappreciated benefits of adversity is that it accelerates the process of identifying your true friends. You never know who your real friends are until adversity overtakes you and you need cooperation. Everybody loves a winner, but nobody knows you when you are down and out.
Only when we recognise that we are all humans, with the same faults and failings, do we begin to develop that wonderful quality of tolerance that enables us to accept others as they are and ask nothing in return.
Everyone harbours some faults. The faults of humankind are evenly distributed among all of us. Whilst we sometimes easily overlook in ourselves our own faults, we are quick to spot the faults of others.
Replacing fault-finding with ‘good-finding’ is never easy. Nevertheless, when we become one who always compliments instead of criticises, we become the kind of friend we would all like to have.
Eugene Nwosu is founder of Optimal Edge. He is a trained life and business coach and author of two best-selling books Optimal Edge and Cut Your Own Firewood – The Ultimate Power to Succeed.
