What is dating? There are many things these days that are involved in the run-up to marriage between a man and woman. But before I proceed, I am quite sure that the word ‘dating’ means different things to different people. This difference in understanding arises from socio-cultural backgrounds and the circle of growth.
Candidly, I think dating is the process that two persons go through in the quest to be together. It is up to further arguments to differentiate the actual moves and activities that make up the dating process.
Dating, or courtship, is actually as old as the institution of marriage. No matter the length of time involved before two attracted persons hook-up – there must be some of dating to go through.
So how does an African man view dating, especially in the diaspora? Most importantly, people have to bear in mind that the end product of dating, which is the union of a couple, is sacrosanct in African societies. Despite the pressure and lure of foreign patterns of marriage, most African societies and people have continued to view dating as a flirting game in the run-up to a loving relationship.
For the sake of clarity, I should explain my views about dating in the eyes of most African men. Firstly, there is the traditional African dating, which most African men consider before making a very serious move. This involves the family’s thoughts about the compatibility of their son to the girl, due to the patriarchal system of most African societies.
As many African men hold their traditions in high esteem, this often comes first in their thoughts before embarking on any serious dating.
Religious conservatives also take their beliefs into account before going through an emotional process. The question of ‘Is she a Muslim or Christian?’ begins to arise, among others.
The western influence is another strong factor, especially for the young African men who want to make the most of the lives here. The close cultural intermingling with other people influences much in the way of liberalisation and accommodating new ideas.
The rapid change in African society due to the influence of media and western systems of education also lures African men into a new kind of dating process. This is equally strong among those in the mainland as much as those in the diaspora.
And of course, as some Africans may be illegal, dating someone may eventually help them achieve stability immigration-wise, of which people should be very aware.
Ukachukwu Okorie is originally from Nigeria and writes weekly for Metro Éireann. Visit his website at www.olumouka.com
