Is ait liom go bhfaighim suaimhneas áirithe nuair nach féidir liom néal codlata a fháil. Tharla sé an tseachtain seo caite: dhúisigh mé gan chúis thart ar 3 agus ní fhéadfainn dul ar ais a luí. Léigh mé cuid de mo leabhar (bailiúchán gearrscéalta de chuid Cormac McCarthy) ach ní raibh spéis agam ann. D’ól mé gloine uisce, ar eagla gurb é an tart a mhúscail mé. Chuir mé an raidió ar siúl. Ach pé rud a bhí cearr liom, ní raibh mé in ann titim ar ais a chodladh.
Thosaigh mé ag smaoineamh ar rudaí nach mbíonn an t-am agam chucu i rith an lae. Rinne mé liosta i m’aigne de mo bhronntanais Nollag nach raibh ceannaithe agam. Rinne mé machnamh ar mo chairde atá imithe ar imirce le bliain anuas. Smaoinigh mé faoi a thuisceanaí agus a bhí m’fhear agus mé buartha agus ag obair go dian ar leabhar atá á chur in eagar agam. Rith sé liom gurb é lár na hoíche ceann de na hamanta is fearr le suaimhneas a fháíl agus leis an am a fháil chun machnamh a dhéanamh ar eachtraí agus ar bhuairt an ghnáthshaoil.
Is duine óg mé gan mórán de fhreagrachtaí orm, ach leis an timpeallacht dhiúltach ina bhfuil muid faoi láthair, braithim go bhfuil lagmhisneach de shaghas éigin ar formhór na n-Éireannach. É sin ráite, spreag an scamall dorcha seo agus thosaigh mé ag gabháil buíochais as an ádh atá orm. Tá mo theaghlach sláintiúil, tá go leor airgid agam le maireachtáil, tá cairde iontacha agam agus tá fear agam a éisteann liom i gcónaí. Cad eile a bheadh uaim? Nochtaíodh na fíricí ar fad seo dom faoi ghealach lán agus gach duine eile sa teach ina sámhchodladh.
Is scríbhneoir agus léachtóir le Gaeilge í Siún Ní Dhuinn in UCD
It seems odd to me that I can feel some sort of peace when I can’t sleep a wink. It happened to me last week: I woke up around 3am and no matter what I did, I could fall back asleep. I read a bit of my book (a collection of short stories by Cormac McCarthy) but I wasn’t interested in it. I drank a glass of water, in case it was thirst that woke me. I turned on the radio. But whatever was wrong with me, I couldn’t sleep.
I began to think of the things that I don’t have time to think of during the day. I made a list of the Christmas presents that I hadn’t bought yet. I thought about my friends who have emigrated in the last year. I realised how understanding my boyfriend is when I’m tearing my hair out about a book I’m editing. It struck me that in the darkest of night there is some space for reflection on the worry of the average life.
I am a young person, without many responsibilities, but even so I feel that the negative environment in which we are living in has affected most Irish people at this stage. This dark cloud inspired me to think of how lucky I am. My family are well, I have enough money to get by, I have fantastic friends and I have a boyfriend who listens to me always. What else would I want? These facts were all revealed to me, under a full moon while everyone else in the house snoozed on.
Siún Ní Dhuinn is a writer and lecturer at UCD
